A Stitch in Haste

Demand creates its own supply. So apparently there was a demand for seeing shirtless youths at the local mall:

Behold FlowRider®:

The FlowRider® sheet wave is a skill and thrill attraction with nonstop marketing appeal. The FlowRider® is the "engine" that drives the downstream deep flow channel and action river. The FlowRider has an approximate throughput of 300 riders an hour.

Three hundred mostly young male riders an hour -- in boardshorts. At the mall. "Throughput" indeed.

More:

This is the first time that a FlowRider® machine is being installed within a retail store rather than in a water park or cruise ship. ... Furthermore, the FlowRider® is a unique water attraction in that spectators enjoy watching as much as the participant enjoys riding. Flowboarding is more that a ride; it is a sport.

Or, to quote a fellow blogger:

There I am walking through the mall, and I think to myself "Oh, that store is finally open. I wonder what it's all ab... HOLY CRAP!" There are four, count them, four half naked, ripped surfer guys (I originally typed "dudes" but I just couldn't say that without feeling like a dork), dripping wet, trying to ride this new surf machine. To say I was mesmerized would be an understatement. But how does one watch that, with families and children all around, without pressing one's self right up against the glass?

I couldn't disagree more -- "dude" is perfectly acceptable usage.

Where can I find one?

The single biggest difference between capitalism and government is that with capitalism, dumb ideas don't last very long --

Quantum Satellite Technology, a line of $325 to $350 adult sneakers ... promises to locate the wearer anywhere in the world with the press of a button. A children's line will be out this summer.
...
The sneakers work when the wearer presses a button on the shoe to activate the GPS. A wireless alert detailing the location is sent to a 24-hour monitoring service that costs an additional $19.95 a month.

In some emergencies -- such as lost child or Alzheimer's patient -- a parent, spouse or guardian can call the monitoring service, and operators can activate the GPS remotely and alert authorities if the caller can provide the correct password.

I'm not a parent, and my parents are not afflicted with Alzheimer's, but I'm fairly certain that I could figure out a more efficient and cheaper way to protect, or even to track, my loved ones than $325 + $19.95 per month.

Warm-fuzzy-feeling products are subject to the same market forces as any other product. They might seem like a great idea to some, or at a particular point in time (remember "executive parachutes" after 9/11?). But in the end the market prevails. Good stuff sells, crap doesn't. I think GPS sneakers are the latter.

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Not at all related: Personal submarines for $75,000. Is the SCUBA industry about to get torpedoed, or will this be the Segway of the Seas?