A Stitch in Haste

Q: What do the following people all have in common?

--Omar al-Bashir, Sudan. Age 62. In power since 1989.

--Kim Jong-il, North Korea. Age 63. In power since 1994.

--Than Shwe, Burma. Age 72. In power since 1992.

--Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe. Age 81. In power since 1980.

--Islam Karimov, Uzbekistan. Age 67. In power since 1990.

--Hu Jintao, China. Age 63. In power since 2002.

--Abdullah, Saudi Arabia. Age 82. In power since 1995.

--Seyed Ali Khamanei, Iran. Age 66. In power since 1989.

--Teodoro Obiang Nguema, Equatorial Guinea. Age 63. In power since 1979.

--Muammar al-Qaddafi, Libya. Age 63. In power since 1969.

--Mswati III, Swaziland. Age 37. In power since 1986.

--Isayas Afewerki, Eritrea. Age 59. In power since 1993.

--Aleksandr Lukashenko, Belarus. Age 51. In power since 1994.

--Fidel Castro, Cuba. Age 79. In power since 1959.

--Bashar al-Assad, Syria. Age 40. In power since 2000.

--Pervez Musharraf, Pakistan. Age 62. In power since 1999.

--Meles Zenawi, Ethiopia. Age 50. In power since 1995.

A: None of them were hanged yesterday.

So perhaps people should curb their enthusiam a bit, especially considering the 2,997 other people who weren't hanged yesterday (i.e., because they're already dead).

BONUS QUESTION: What else do some of those people have in common?

ANSWER: The United States ignores their status as bloodthirsty dictators, on the rationalization that they are either "important trading partners" (Jintao, Abdullah, Nguema) or "trusted allies" in the War on Terror, or Drugs, or some other bugaboo (Zenawi, Karimov, Musharraf).

American foreign policy has been reduced to having one hand covered in blood, the other hand covered in feces, and both feet submerged in oil supplied by barbarian goatherders.

So, again, curb your enthusiasm.

A quick note that Parade Magazine has updated its list of the world's worst dictators.

Some hasty stitches:

--With the exception of Fidel Castro, who for some reason fell off the list (wishful thinking?), all the additions to this year's list (e.g., Putin) were only additions because previous dictators died (e.g., Hussein, Niyazov). No dictator ever becomes an ex-dictator, only a dead dictator.

--As always, several dictators get a pass from the United States because they are "valuable trading partners" (e.g., Hu, Abdullah).

--Others, meanwhile, are embraced by us as "trusted allies in the War on Terror" (e.g., Musharraf, Meles).

--Nearly half the dictatorships are in Africa. Plus ça change...

--Homosexuality is a crime in thirteen of the twenty dictatorships; it is punishable by death in five. (Note that North Korea insists that homosexuality is strictly a "capitalist" phenomenon and therefore simply does not exist in that country -- hence anti-gay laws are "unnecessary.")

(Via Perfect Substitute.)