A Stitch in Haste

Q: What do you do when you're a petty, mentally unstable third-world dictator and your nutball policies have resulted in, among other sorrows, a plague outbreak?

A: You declare plague "illegal."

The new nation of Turkmenistan, one of several Central Asian republics that rose from the Soviet Union's ashes, is ruled by a 64-year-old dictator named Saparmurad A. Niyazov, a strutting, miniature Saddam Hussein who calls himself Turkmenbashi (father of the Turkmens). A man of monstrous ego and modest intellect, he has outlawed beards on men and forbidden women to wear gold teeth, a sign of status.
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The world keeps quiet about Niyazov's eccentricities, aware that his vast wealth comes from control of one of the world's largest supplies of natural gas. All of this would be amusing, more or less, if we didn't think too hard about the effects of such policies. But over the last few months, the Turkmenbashi has taken the health of his nation's 5 million people into his own hands, with potentially devastating consequences.
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Most disturbing, he has declared all infectious diseases — cholera, AIDS and other scourges — illegal and has forbidden any mention of them.
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According to both Gundogar, a Turkmen opposition group, and the Turkmenistan Helsinki Initiative, a deadly plague epidemic has broken out in the Turkmenbashi's territory.
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These outbreaks happen periodically, and with good public health systems in place they can be managed. The Soviets in their day responded quickly, though they kept news of the outbreaks from the outside world. ...But the Soviets and their hundreds of trained plague experts no longer run the show, and the Turkmens are at the mercy of the Turkmenbashi's policies. At least 10 people are known to have died of plague this summer, and some reports place the figure considerably higher. The Turkmen government has responded, predictably, by declaring the word "plague" illegal. It has also instituted border controls "to prevent disease from entering Turkmenistan from neighboring states."

Guess who will wind up helping this wacko and his unfortunate subjects out of this jam, with supplies, personnel and money? (Hint -- It won't be France.)

And how long do you think it will be before some Soviet apologist makes the "at least the trains ran on time" argument -- "Well, at least we never had plague under Stalin!"

Turkmenistan is too important to ignore -- it borders both Iran and Afghanistan, has significant coastline along the Caspian Sea, and, as the article mentions, has lots of natural gas (and some oil).

Anyone up for some humanitarian-motivated regime change?

Oh, right -- never mind. Some other time perhaps.

(Cross-linked at Outside the Beltway.)

UPDATE: Ex Nihilo has some more news out of Turkmenistan.

Perhaps you'd also like to issue a Chavez-style fatwa against Turkmenistan's silly dictator, Saparmurat Niyazov:

Niyazov has ordered a ban on lip synching performances across the tightly controlled Central Asian nation, citing "a negative effect on the development of singing and musical art," the president's office said Tuesday.
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Under Niyazov's order, lip synching is now prohibited at all cultural events, concerts, on television — and at private celebrations such as weddings.
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In 2001, Niyazov banned opera and ballet as not corresponding with the national mentality. Last year, he called for young people not to get gold tooth caps and urged authorities to crack down on young men wearing beards or long hair.

Hey, don't underestimate this guy — he's so powerful he can even outlaw plague.

Unfortunately, although Niyazov is a laughingstock, the stability of Turkmenistan is no laughing matter.

More thoughts from Tom G. Palmer.

I've developed an unhealthy interest in the antics of Turkmenistan "president for life" (i.e., dictator) Saparmurat Niyazov — see the chain below.

For his latest demonstration of loopiness, the oil-rich autocrat wants to build, in the desert, a penguin sanctuary:

"The zoo will be situated north of Ashkhabad where the Kara Kum desert begins. The animals will live there in conditions close to those of their natural habitat and the zoo will cost several million dollars," said an official at the Turkmen environment ministry, which will select the animals.

"We are examining the possibility of acquiring animals from the four corners of the planet, such as penguins from the north [sic!]," the source said.

The zoo is the latest in a series of grandiose projects ordered by the man who styles himself "Turkmenbashi," the leader of all Turkmen, whose gas-rich country of five million is dotted with statues of himself and his mother.
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Last month, state-run media reported Niyazov's spiritual guide book Rukhnama was blasted into space with two Japanese satellites from the Russian launch station in Kazakhstan as proof that Turkmenistan had joined the space-powers club.

I wholeheartedly agree that Niyazov is a space cadet.

But as for the penguins, one would hope that other countries would abstain from sending innocent animals to a third-world crackpot dictator for his amusement.

Then again, if "civilized" countries such as China let their chimpanzees smoke, then I fear that Niyazov will have little difficulty acquiring whatever animals he might want.

And while we're on the subject — don't penguins come from the south?

Seriously though, Turkmenistan borders both Iran and Afghanistan. It should warrant more attention from us.

POST SCRIPT: As for that other "oil-for..." scandal, see here. Hot off the presses, though I note that the U.N. encrypted the 108-page PDF so one cannot copy passages but must instead type them out manually. Gee, I wonder why.

It's been too long since we checked in on our friend, Turkmenistan President-for-Life Saparmurat Niyazov:

Saparmurat Niyazov announced on state television that anyone reading his philosophical work three times would be assured a place in heaven.

"Anyone who reads the Rukhnama three times will find spiritual wealth, will become more intelligent, will recognise the divine being and will go straight to heaven," Niyazov said Monday.

The Turkmen leader said he had "called on Allah" while working on the two-volume book to ensure that enthusiastic readers would be given quicker access to heaven.
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The Rukhnama, a collection of philosophical and religious writings, is compulsory reading for schoolchildren and government officials across the former Soviet republic in Central Asian.

Gee, sounds a bit like another "Allah is my co-author" zealot from a while back.

Surely acting like a modern-day Muhammed is some kind of Islamic abomination worthy of riots and fatwas and jihads, no? Shouldn't acting like the Prophet be more blasphemous than merely drawing a picture of him?

So why no outrage here? Maybe they think he's imitating Joseph Smith instead?

(Via Fark.)

A disturbed dictator oppressing his country, located in a strategically critical part of an unstable, oil-rich region, is toppled — without a single American casualty!

No, not Bizarro-Iraq, but Turkmenistan:

Turkmen President-for-life Saparmurat Niyazov has died, Turkmenistan state-controlled television said on Thursday confirming an earlier report from a government source.
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Niyazov, 66, had been in power in his reclusive Central Asian state — the second largest natural gas producer in the former Soviet Union — since 1985 before independence from Moscow.

He tolerated no dissent and enjoyed a flourishing personality cult with thousands of portraits and statues to him throughout the country.

As a reminder, Turkmenistan borders both Iran and Afghanistan. And yet nobody here seems to have heard of it? (Hint: No, it's not where Borat comes from.)

It was fun over the past two years to mock Niyazov's narcissistic antics — penguin sanctuaries in the desert and such. But it is time to put humor aside:

Turkmenistan has never held an election judged to be free and fair by foreign monitors. Until the new polls, which have to be held within two months, Deputy Prime Minister Kurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, 49, will be acting head of state.

But Niyazov, who held all top posts, left no designated heir and his sudden death raised concerns about the transfer of power in the ex-Soviet nation of 5 million[.]

We all know about the depletion of our military resources due to the Iraq debacle — but clearly our diplomatic resources (not to mention our goodwill throughout the world and particularly in this region) must also have been depleted. Nizazov's death could have been a golden opportunity to help foster a true democracy when there was none before, and perhaps even make inroads with Turkmenistan's neighbors.

From "Mission Accomplished" to "Opportunity Squandered"?

Stay tuned...

More thoughts from Distributed Intelligence.