A Stitch in Haste

No sooner did this lawsuit wilt from my aggregator...

If Leroy Greer wants to take 1-800-flowers.com to court for telling his wife he sent flowers to his girlfriend, he'll have to do it elsewhere.
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Greer, a luxury car salesman, sued the company here in August claiming it improperly sent a thank you note to his home address, alerting his wife that he'd bought flowers. A company employee faxed his wife the receipt, including the love note Greer sent with the red roses and stuffed animal.

The message on the card: "Just wanted to say that I love you and you mean the world to me! Leroy."

The dismissal, in Texas, was only on jurisdictional grounds. The florist's adhesion contract specifies that it can only be sued in New York. No word yet on whether the adulterer will refile. (Incidentally, we all agree that adhesion contracts are not evil manifestations of unequal bargaining power but rather wonderfully catalytic tools for enabling low-cost mass production -- right?)

...Than this lawsuit burst into bloom:

The wedding was lovely, except for the flowers: They were the wrong color.

So says the bride, Elana Glatt, who was so miffed at the florist that she filed a lawsuit alleging breach of contract.
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Not only that, the lawsuit, which was filed Friday in state Supreme Court in Manhattan, alleges that the hydrangeas were wilted and brown, and arranged in dusty vases without enough water.

The lawsuit says the offenses caused "extreme disappointment, distress and embarrassment."
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They [sic] flowers cost $27,435.14. The lawsuit asks for more than $400,000 in restitution and damages.

Care to guess what Ms. Glatt does for a living? Hint: She's not a florist.

As mockworthy as it may sound, I remained convinced that no one should be allowed to practice law unless and until they've watched at least one complete season of Judge Judy.

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As for the law in both cases, so called "consequential damages" -- "The bad flowers ruined my entire wedding!" / "The good flowers ruined my entire marriage!" -- are generally not compensable unless the contract specifically calls for such damages in the event of breach. A florist is not a wedding insurer unless you pay him to be one. (In the adulterer case, it's unclear whether there is even a breach of contract in the first place; we can assume a material breach in the wedding case). And of course punitive damages are almost never permitted for breach of contract -- always try to tack on an intentional tort when suing someone.

To the extent that any damages are warranted (a dubious proposition from the outset), the correct measure in the wedding case would simply be difference between the price paid for the flowers ($27,434.14) and the fair market value of the arrangements as delivered. And, my lack of loathing for the rich notwithstanding, anyone who can afford $27,000 for flowers can also afford a hobby other than filing frivolous lawsuits).