A Stitch in Haste

For reasons that I will disclose at some future point, I have a need to brush up on my frivolous litigation blogging.

So here's a "speed round" of silly lawsuits -- a sort of "dream team" if you will.

ITEM: We all think our dogs are priceless, so I guess a $4 million custody lawsuit is no big deal, right? Not divorcing spouses, mind you, but mere apartment roommates. My take: The paperwork for the animal should be probative if not dispositive, and there should be no question of money damages, only a declarative judgment of who is the dog's legal caretaker.

ITEM: Dogs. Hair. Haircut. Bad haircut. Lawsuit. For $150,000. The fun part? The plaintiff signed a waiver indicating she knew she was being serviced by a trainee.

ITEM: A bad haircut isn't the only way to ruin someone's beauty --

A Manhattan scavenger hunt landed a Tennessee tourist in the hospital with a smashed face, according to the teen's mom, who is suing the theatrical company that runs the game.
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He was instructed to get on a bicycle and ride to the base of the Brooklyn Bridge near Fulton Street, where he would find a clue tied to a metal fence, according to his lawyer.

The real scavenger hunt is for what really happened when the young man crashed the bike: was it bad brakes or the fact that the kid had no irises:

Nerby confirmed that her son was born without irises but said he regularly rides his bike without incident back home.

I spy with my (iris-equipped) eye ... some very interesting litigation approaching.

ITEM: And of course, what dream team is complete without Michael Jordan?

A Northeast Portland man is suing basketball superstar Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for a combined $832 million. Allen Heckard filed the suit himself, June 29th in Washington County Court. Heckard says he's been mistaken as Michael Jordan nearly every day over the past 15 years and he's tired of it.
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Heckard is suing Jordan for defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering. He’s suing Knight for defamation and permanent injury for promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world.
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Some might wonder how he decided to sue Knight and Jordan for $416-million each. "Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and ah, then I turn around and ah I figure that's what it all boils down to."

Just sue it? (Via Phalanx; see also Overlawyered times two.)