A Stitch in Haste

New York's philosopher-king mayor, Michael Bloomberg, thinks he has the solution to a potential transit strike:

If a catastrophic transit strike comes at the end of the week, commuters should minimize the hassles of traveling by temporarily bunking with relatives or colleagues who live in Manhattan, Mayor Bloomberg said yesterday.

"If you work in Manhattan and live outside Manhattan, I would try to find somebody that's a friend that will let you use their couch. That would be the easiest thing to do," Bloomberg said.

Unless of course you have kids. Or pets. Or a life.

I'm surprised he didn't just tell people to buy $600 bicycles, like he did the last time transit workers threatened an illegal strike.

Here's my version of a contingency plan:

--Summarily terminate all striking transit workers after they miss one full workday and hire permanent replacements for them.

--Arrest and imprison the leaders of the transit workers union for contempt of court, and possibly criminal conspiracy.

--Seize all physical and financial assets of the criminal labor union.

--Invite competent New York City police officers, firefighters, EMTs, sanitation workers, health inspectors and other qualified municipal employees to work as temporary bus drivers and subway conductors. As an incentive, they would be paid overtime rates (out of the seized union assets). After all, it's not difficult to operate a subway train.

And that's the libertarian plan.

Here's the not-so-libertarian plan:

--Mobilize the New York State National Guard to run the buses and subways.

That is, of course, assuming we have any National Guard left in New York who aren't already in Iraq.

Finally, here's the reductio ad absurdum plan:

--Declare the New York City transit system a "disaster area."

--Find the hotel nearest your place of employment.

--Sit back, relax and enjoy.

--Send FEMA the bill.

And if anybody complains, then sue.

More thoughts at Soul of Wit.