A Stitch in Haste

Syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker thinks America should go Amish:

Most people probably couldn't handle much of Amish life. No electricity, no telephone, no cars, no computers, no CDs or cell phones, no iPods, no Internet, no makeup, no tasteful highlights, no jewelry, no Manolos. Plain doesn't come any plainer than this.

Nor life more arduous. We who work by sitting at computers and talking on phones don't know from work — the kind that involves milking cows, baling hay, building barns, shoeing horses, canning, sewing, cooking, and giving birth at home and often.
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To those accustomed to instant everything, such a life seems impossibly hard and, well, dull. And yet, you cannot spend time among the Amish and not think these people know something we don't.

Yes of course, the old lament of "modernity is bad, technology is bad, speed is bad, interconnectivity is bad." Which is merely a fancy way of saying: "capitalism is bad, capitalism is bad, capitalism is bad, capitalism is bad." Or, if you prefer: "choice is bad, choice is bad, choice is bad, choice is bad."

I've been to Amish country more than once and have nothing against the Amish. They're a refreshingly "Christian" group of Christians.

But I have a lot against those who try to invoke the Amish as some kind of conservative (or anti-modern) utopia to be heralded as a justification of advocating a conservative (or anti-capitalist) political or social agenda.

First of all, the Amish are not Luddites and are not as unconditionally anti-technology as they are often portrayed. They are more than willing to embrace those aspects of modernity that they believe are consistent with their faith. Health care (including "English" obstetricians, contrary to Parker's inaccurate claim) is one example, bus and train travel is another, as is modern banking. Many of them use modern agricultural technology (including, contrary to Parker's inaccurate claim, contemporary milking machines).

Second, the Amish are not missionary. Unlike most other Christian sects, they do not go around trying to convert (or condemn) non-believers. If anything, that is the best lesson other Christians could learn from them, not that baling hay is "harder work" than trading stocks.

Third, and similarly, Amish society is voluntary. They do not try to pass laws forcing others to adopt their social, moral or religious codes. They are notoriously apolitical. Can most non-Amish conservative Christians say the same?

Fourth, along the same lines, Amish parents do not try to indoctrinate their children (let alone other people's children) into Amish culture or religion. Quite the opposite — Amish teenagers go through a rite of passage known as Rumspringen, or "Frolicking," in which they are permitted and even encouraged to spend time in the outside world and partake of its pleasures — such as riding in cars, playing video games, seeing movies, listening to pop music and even trying alcohol, tobacco and other "non-Amish" pleasures. Afterwards, they are allowed to choose whether to return to their communities or remain in modern society. In other words, the Amish believe in making informed decisions about competing ways of life. Again, do other Christian parents behave the same way toward their children?

Finally, one unfortunate counterargument from Parker herself:

They have some problems, including alcoholism as well as other health concerns, such as polio, possibly associated with their suspicion of vaccinations.

With all due respect, "alcoholism" and "polio" do not belong in the same sentence. There is a very obvious reason why alcoholism is rampant in static, stagnant communities such as Indian reservations, native Alaskan enclaves, the former Soviet Union, and apparently the Amish: it's because humans are not naturally static, stagnant beings and tend not to thrive in static, stagnant environments. It's a fine line between "peace and quiet" and "boredom and monotony."

Amish culture is perfectly fine -- for people who choose it. But that hardly means that "What's good for the Amish must be good for America." Instead, it's what makes communities such as the Amish possible in America -- acceptance of differences, open-mindedness to true "alternative lifestyles," non-interference in individual choice and rejection of "one size fits all" social norms -- that is truly the strength of this country.

Learn more about the Amish here.

POST SCRIPT: Here's another anti-modernity dim bulb. Do your own comparison and contrast to Parker's version.