A Stitch in Haste

Via Dispatches from the Culture Wars comes an op-ed from a former Bank of America chairman on the marriage of his gay son:

We have now had one year of legal same-sex marriage in our state. Despite predictions, we have not witnessed any threat to so-called "traditional marriage." There has not been an attack on family, and almost all would admit that very little has changed. In fact, however, something has changed. Many of our citizens have experienced the joy of marriage for the first time where the laws of our state have said, "You are equal." We have seen that joy in our son. To take that away would be an injustice. It would be devastating for our family and the real values we believe family should represent.

These kind words echo a point I've tried to make in response to the "too much too soon" crowd who insist that the "backlash" wasn't worth it and that gays should have instead tried to "win the hearts and minds" of straight America first.

Besides my continued belief that the "backlash" is overstated (or, to put it differently, the backlash "looks worse than it feels"), I think stories like this reinforce another part of my overall gay rights thesis: You can't have a meaningful, productive debate without something to debate about. This wonderful op-ed would never have been written, the 125 guests at this same-sex wedding would not have gathered, there would have been no observations of "gee, nothing really changed after all," had it not been for those first steps in Vermont, Massachusetts and Connecticut.

What exactly was the alternative? Waiting? For what? For even more towns, corporations and universities to "lead by example" through non-discrimination laws than the thousands that already had? For the Catholic Church to enter the Second Millennium, let alone the Third? For more woeful stories about denied deathbed visitations, or international couples cut off by bigoted immigration laws, or partners forbidden to adopt? For more Matthew Shepards? For a Democratic President and Congress?

No. That would all have accomplished nothing.

Anyone who didn't think the struggle for full gay equality would get very dirty and be chock full of defeats along the way, regardless of how long we waited for "the right time," or who thinks that if we had just won over a few more hearts and minds first and the bigots would have miraculously had one giant collective epiphany, are all terribly misguided.

Like any long, hard struggle, the sooner you start, the sooner you finish.